We get frustrated when we’re taking action towards a goal and not seeing the results we’d expected. Our action seems pointless. Nothing we’re doing seems to make any difference, it just isn’t working.
The thing is that we’re fairly limited in our imagination of what is to be "done" to achieve what we want or fully grasp how our action *is* moving us closer to what we want. Rather, we obsess about what the result should look like and we’re addicted to some tangible measure of our progress. We often depend on it to muster the motivation to keep going. Taking action in faith that we’re moving closer to our purpose and greater fulfillment is uncomfortable and, let’s be frank, unbelievable. Because we’re so attached to our ego’s need for something to happen, we ignore the opportunity to find peace where we’re at right this moment. Every every failure, loss and defeat in pursuit of knowledge is progress. I ask you, what does your wise inner voice that’s clear and knowing say about your effort? Letting go of defeating thoughts and an attachment to the way you expect things will go can free you. Your nature of taking action with a motive adds baggage. Instead, try unwinding this attachment and becoming open to what could happen. Now this isn’t to say that one shouldn’t be taking aggressive action and exploring all opportunities that are available to you with focused attention. It even may be a matter of crisis that you find a that new job, lose weight or more. But, the difference is that we’re so much better served when we do our best without striving for a result we expect to happen. As long as you can stay in touch with what’s real and true, a new paradigm will open up for your existence that values life as a process – and not a destination of our limited imagination.
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It was once explained to me that success and failure aren’t about getting what you want - or the absence of it. It’s about being happy. Does whatever you’re trying to do stand in the way of your joy – or, may your happiness still permeate despite an effort you may have judged as a failure at the moment? Failure can be a productive lesson that doesn’t keep you from being happy – that’s on you.
Admittedly, I'm not nearly as physically strong since I've failed in maintaining my running practice and intense crossfit routine. Sigh. Other aspects of my life also are radically different from what I wanted to happen through many failed experiments. Yet despite this, I’m still able to access tremendous joy in my life. Go figure. Now, we constantly have to confront the saboteur in our lives that keeps us tight in her grasp because she’d miss our company if we abandoned her. She doesn’t want us to realize our potential or commit to what’s truly important; rather, she’s the defender of the status quo and fights to keep us from what we want because she’d dearly miss the company if we moved on. And she can take just about any grain of truth and distort it into a very convincing argument against continuing on the path of purposeful change. She loves to judge our effort as a failure, hoping we'll give up. Failure doesn’t want to paralyze us, though. Our failure aims to encourage our growth. Simply, it reveals that we need a little more practice in order to achieve what we want. When we stay present in examining what we've learned from our failure, we can even notice joy in our lives without that thing we’re trying to accomplish. Failure helps motivate us to keep moving – or, reminding us to stay still for awhile to observe what we've learned. Staying with the result of things not going your way is often the best action you can take to get over yourself and move ahead. And I can tell you that it's a fool’s errand to avoid failure if you’re seeking any change in your life. I encourage you to accept failure into your life - it's a sweet, productive guide who doesn't stand in the way of your joy. It adds knowledge and growth perspective, that's all. We’re all a little deluded, thinking that our life is supposed to be different than it is.
We’re attached to achieving something that we can see...or, we feel deeply distracted by an obligation to be a way we think we should be. It’s the focus of our attention and suffering we pursue in a deluded trance. The house. The job. The partner. The wealth. The stuff. The stuff. The stuff. The stuff. Then something wakes us up from this slumber and we start listening to our truer self. Nothing becomes more important than pursuing knowledge of it, so we start taking action out of inspiration and longing towards something bigger. Where do we find this courage to start behaving differently? I observe ordinary people doing it every day. And I marvel at what seems like their superior sense of knowing. Like they found their way in a moment of epiphany. But, I’ve come to learn that it goes very differently than, ahem, we think it should. They say the point isn’t reaching your destination, but a presence and keenly noticing the journey itself. Well, from what I can tell, this is the answer. Finding your way doesn’t mean settling comfortably into some groove on a path so you can effortlessly tumble toward joy and life fulfillment. Finding your way is more akin to making a commitment towards something you know in your heart and in relationship with your truer self. Every failure, loss and defeat are progress, so you keep putting yourself out there. Your job is listening intently to your truth and doing what “she” (editor’s note: my true self identifies with the feminine pronoun, go figure) says because you’ve chosen to finally listen now. People who’ve found their way are those taking action towards who they’ve yet to become. Not convinced that the “reward” is compelling enough? You want it now and not some promise of a future discovery? Well, I can tell you from my personal experience that I feel greater joy and life fulfillment despite reaching any destination. This work has given way to living my life with things more perfect than striving towards purely ego-centric and material goals as a seeker. But, it requires courageously surrendering and persistence. Some days I win and some are total loses. With my daily meditation practice, however, I tune into what I know to do while resisting the urge to wiggle out of this contract I’ve made with myself. Trust me, it takes heroic strength at times to say no to our pesky human habits and emotional patterns… So here’s the deal, my job is to put myself out there and allow you to see me learning. With my writings, I also look forward to introducing you to people who’ve found their way. I feel deeply honored to serve the people who show up, so I hope you do. It’s also time to keep ourselves from ever considering perfectionism and just do it. |
AuthorI'm a corporate culture champion, communications strategist and coach to professionals that seek purposeful growth. ArchivesCategories |